Struggles with Motivation

So, the topic of the day: motivation. I find myself severely lacking in this area most days. There are so many things I want to do with my life, and yet I just can't seem to get up the gumption to actually start to accomplish them. It's mind versus matter. I tell myself I should really do something, but then I don't. There are other things to do (most of which are completely pointless and a waste of my time), or I'll do it later, or it's not really that necessary. And yet it is. And I know it is. I just can't seem to make myself do it.

So the things I cannot get myself motivated to do:

1. Wake up in the morning. Yes, it sounds simple. I set three alarms every morning. A bit excessive? No. If I didn't, I would never wake up. No matter how many times I tell myself that if I just got up at 7:15 instead of 8:00, I would start out the day much happier. (Time for coffee.) And yet every morning I hit that snooze button, and even after the third alarm has gone off it's another fifteen - thirty minutes until I actually get up.
2. Exercise regularly. I started going to the gym this summer with a friend. I enjoyed it quite a bit. More than I expected to. It eased tension and made me feel better about myself. The thing is, my friend went back to school in August, and I haven't returned to the gym once since then.
3. Write. I love to write. I really do! It's just that it takes some real doing to get me to sit down, turn off the television, and just write. I never know what I want to write about. I know that if I just make myself start I always come up with something. And at times I have inspirations. But then when I think about actually sitting down to put it on paper (or screen), the creative burst just sort of deflates, and suddenly there are other, more interesting things I could be doing.

These are the three topics that bother me the most when I think about my issues with lack of motivation. There are others. Let's face it: motivation is something of an all or none. I'm not really motivated to do anything on my own. Which leads me to my biggest vice: Procrastination. Oh, it's bad. During college I rarely got anything productive done before 10:00 p.m. "I work well under pressure," I would tell myself. I'm not sure which is causal in this relationship: procrastination or working well under pressure. Do I procrastinate because I work well under pressure, or do I work well under pressure because I procrastinate? Who knows. I often wondered in school, however, how well I could do if I actually worked ahead and didn't procrastinate. I suppose we'll never know.

So I realize that the way I've portrayed myself probably makes me come across as a high-school-drop-out bum. But anyone who knows me, knows that is not the case. At all, really. I've done pretty well so far. And yet I lack all motivation? How is this possible, you ask?

The thing is, I lack personal motivation. There are things that motivate me. Perhaps it would be beneficial to list these, as well.

1. Deadlines. There is nothing quite like knowing that it's 11:00 p.m. the night before the due date to get me moving. Again, I work well under pressure. I probably never would have written anything if it hadn't been due for a grade. (I also harbor a need to have people think highly of me, hence the struggle for good grades...but that's another topic altogether.)
2. Rewards. Yes, I'll admit it. My mom used to bribe me with milkshakes if I finished a particularly difficult assignment in high school. (I may or may not have done the same for myself in college...) It's not so much a bribe, as a reward. If I know that doing something will have an immediate benefit for me, then I'll do it. Duh.
3. Other people. If someone else is depending on my, or expecting me to do something, then by all means I will get it done. 

The last source of motivation is what bothers me the most: the fact that I'll motivate myself to do things for the benefit of others, but not for myself. If no one but me is benefitting (and it's a far-removed benefit), then I don't see the point in trying. I can deal with disappointing myself. But not others. I think there's something wrong with that. But the only way to work my way up to doing things for myself, is by sticking with what I know will work at first. And that's why I have started this blog. I know that if other people are reading it and (hopefully) commenting on it, then I'll continue to write. And it may not be publishable, but at least I'm writing, and that's a start. I have to start somewhere.